Reading her body language: Is she interested


When it comes to body language, it does not matter whether she is interested in you. You will attract her attention if you do not play it too needy. If you look out for these signs, you will be able to tell if you are making progress. It also makes for interesting watching whena guy is trying so hard, but the lady is showing no signs of interest. You can't help but have a chuckle about it.

Her lips:

  • Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.
  • Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth.
  • She wets her lips, some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the upper or lower lip, while others run the tongue around the entire lip area.
  • She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
  • She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward.

Her eyes:

  • She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
  • She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds, this is often combined with a smile and some eye contact.
  • She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
  • While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
  • Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile indicates interest in you.

Her hair:

  • She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand movement or more of a stroking motion.
  • She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
  • She is throwing her hair back off her shoulders.

Her clothing:

  • If she is wearing clothes that show her nipples underneath and you notice they are getting perky and erect.
  • The hem goes up to expose a little more leg.
  • She is fixing, patting or smoothing her outfit to make herself look better.

While she is seated:

  • She moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.
  • She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
  • She is sitting with her legs open.
  • She sits with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh.
  • Her legs are rubbing against each other.
  • Her legs are rubbing against the leg of the table.
  • Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.

Her hands:

  • She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
  • While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up.
  • She rubs her wrists up and down.
  • She sits with one hand touching one of her breasts.
  • She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way:)
  • She is fondling keys, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with toys or other things on the table.
  • She plays with her jewellery, especially with stroking and pulling motions.
  • She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you.
  • She is pretending to look at her watch as you pass her.

Her voice

  • She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
  • She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
  • She laughs in unison with you.
  • In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.

Miscellaneous:

  • She mirrors your body language and body positions.
  • Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
  • She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and toward you.
  • She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high school.
  • She is standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot behind the other, hips slightly thrust forward.
  • At a party - every once in a while she seems to appear out of nowhere in your vicinity and if you move to another spot, soon she appears out of nowhere again, you catch her glancing in your general direction (actually, glancing at YOU dummy!:), she bumps into you… accidentally, touches you… accidentally etc:)

When talking to a girl, these are some of the more important signs to watch for:

  • Can you keep conversation going with her?
  • Does she react well to your touch?
  • Does she touch you?
  • Does she laugh?

Signs of the wrong topic

All these signs usually tell you that the girl is captivated by your charms. As the conversation progresses, you may find that her body language changes and see starts to show fewer signs. If this happens, just change the subject and see what happens. 

Signs of interest from across the room

Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are applicable to both sexes. The sequence of the list approximates the courtship sequence.

I'M INTERESTED

Sidelong glance(s)

Looks at you a few times

Holds your gaze briefly

Downcast eyes, then away

Posture changes to alert

Preens, adjusts hair, attire

Turns body toward you

Tilts head

Narrows eyes slightly

Smiles

Matches your posture

Eyes sparkle

Licks her lips

Thrusts breasts

DON'T BOTHER ME

Never sneaks a peek

Fleeting eye contact

Looks away quickly

Looks away, eyes level

Posture unchanged

Does no preening

Turns body away

Head remains vertical

Eyes remain normal

Neutral, polite face

Posture unchanged

Normal or dull eyes

Keeps mouth closed

Sags to de-emphasize breasts

Frequency of eye contact, the more the better. Amount of time she, or he, holds your gaze, the longer the better. How she breaks off eye contact, down before away is great! Shine of the eyes, the brighter the better. Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall posture, erect and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is bad, increased tilt is great. Where the drink is held, high in front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity, clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing or stroking is great.

Most of us are slightly afraid as well as somewhat excited in settings where social interaction is expected and required. So, most people do not sit or stand in an open posture. But, during courtship, the more open the other person's posture is, the more open that person is to you and your advances. And, the more open you are, the more likely the other person is to open up to you. 

First Conversation Signals

Men, pay attention to all the ways she communicates during the first few minutes as you talk with her.

KEEP TALKING

Alert, energetic

Pupils dilated

Gradually opens posture

Lowers drink

Touches self gently

Caresses objects

Crosses and uncrosses legs

Flashes of palm

Crossed legs steady

Dangles shoe on toe

Hands never touch face

Touches you any reason

Feet firmly on floor

Loosens anything

Leans forward

Steady hands, feet

MOVE ON

Tense, restless

Normal or small pupils

Posture remains closed

Keeps drink high

Grips or pinches self

Squeezes, taps objects

Legs remain crossed

Back of hand gestures

Swings crossed legs

Keeps shoe on

Touches face

Never touches you

Feet on edges or toes

Tightens anything

Leans away

Tapping, drumming

In social settings, most of us start out in a closed, defensive posture because we're a bit apprehensive. A closed posture feels safe. When the person you are talking with shifts to a more open posture, it signifies trust and comfort. That person is, literally, opening up to you and what you have to offer. It takes courage to open up to the other person. If you go first, she, or he, will usually follow your move from closed to slightly more open. Open up in, slow, gradual shifts of posture.

Published: 7 January 2005

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