Ah, the classic escape route; women often use this one when
cornered by someone they are not interested in. It's clean, requires no
preparation and leaves no room for a counterargument. But if a woman
says this to you, what she really means is that she does not want to be
in a relationship with you. For whatever reason, she doesn't see you as
relationship material for her, so don't stick around hoping she will be
ready someday. She might get into a relationship eventually, but it
probably won't be with you.
You're always the one calling her and/or she doesn't return
your phone calls.
Watch out, she may be avoiding you; and if she's not
avoiding you, you
are not on her mind and she simply forgot. Either way, this means that
she has less invested than you and doesn't care enough to actively seek
out your company.
Here's a rule of thumb: If she doesn't return your first
call, call a
second time, as she may be playing hard to get. If she doesn't return
your second call, you can rightly conclude that she's not into you. (Do
allow a certain amount of leeway on this point; women have been told by
umpteen dating books to let the man do the pursuing. She should be
calling you at least once for every three times you call her.)
She avoids eye contact and physical proximity.
This is an obvious sign that many men overlook. If she is
you, she will naturally want to be close to you and make eye contact.
If she is evading your gaze, however, she may be consciously trying to
avoid leading you on and having to turn down your advances later. It'sa sneaky little trick, but it usually works. Take it as a sign that
you're not her type. If she keeps you at arm's length at all times, she
may also be protecting her personal space, so make sure you don't get
She mentions other guys she finds attractive.
No, she's probably not trying to make you jealous (unless
dealing with an ex-girlfriend, a situation that belongs in another
category altogether). Most likely, though, you are in the "friend
zone," which means that you are just like one of her girlfriends that
she shares her thoughts with. Ergo, it has never even crossed her mind
to date you. Not good.
She tries to set you up with another woman.
She might do this because, like in signal No. 4, it never
mind to date you. Alternatively, she might do this because she likes
you as a friend but wants to make certain you don't hit on her. Either
way, the message is clear: She definitely doesn't want you for herself.
She doesn't laugh at your jokes.
If she is consistently stone-faced when you crack jokes,
then you can
conclude two important things. First, she doesn't find your sense of
humor engaging, and second, she doesn't like you enough to bother to
pretend otherwise. Here's a shocker: Whether or not she laughs at your
jokes doesn't necessarily have to do with whether or not she finds them
funny. Laughing is a form of flirting, and if she isn't doing it, you
can be pretty sure her mind isn't on you.
She is always vague about making plans.
If she really wants to see you, she'll make firm plans. If
want to see you, or doesn't care one way or another, you can be pretty
sure that she's not into you. If she is vague about making plans, it
probably means that she is neutral about being in your company, or even
worse, that she doesn't want to commit in case something better comes
She regularly cancels plans with you.
Let me break it to you gently: You are the fall guy, the
"just in case
she doesn't have anything better to do" guy. It is certainly fair to
cancel plans occasionally for a legitimate reason, but if she bails
consistently, ditch her, even as a friend. If she does this, it not
only shows that she's not interested, but that she holds little respect
for you at all. Move on, and do it quickly.
Her description of the perfect man sounds nothing like you.
She tells you she wants a Mediterranean man who can
dance salsa. You are Swedish and can only square dance. I know; women
rarely stick to what they say are the perfect traits they are looking
for in a man. And indeed, she may actually end up with a square-dancing
Swede, but in all likelihood, it won't be with you. Take this as a kind
hint on her part that you, for whatever reason, are not her perfect man.
If she exhibits one of the above signs, it doesn't bode well
for your cause. If she exhibits two to three of these signs, you can be
pretty certain that she's not interested. If you are noticing more than
three of the above signs, listen carefully, because it's never going to
I know from experience that an unreciprocated crush can be a
big blow to one's self-esteem. So do yourself a favor and don't prolong
the inevitable. If, after reading the above list, you can gather that
she isn't going to respond to your advances, put yourself out of your
misery -- just cut your losses and move on. Repeat this mantra to
yourself until it sticks: She's just not into you.