How to flirt

Some people seem to flirt effortlessly, almost without knowing they are doing it. Others are more reserved and have to give a lot of thought to expressing interest in the one they want. The key to flirting successfully lies in managing to stay within the norms of social interaction and at the same time suggesting interest or intimacy. Sound complicated? It doesn't have to be.

Initiating contact

Before you can begin flirting you will need to initiate contact with the person you wish to express your interest in. If they are a total strangers you may want to use a subtle approach by asking for the time or directions to somewhere. In bars or pubs a polite greeting and the offer of a drink might get the job done.

In either scenario it is good to start with catching their gaze and a smile, either from a distance or when you are close enough to speak.

Extended contact

Flirting can be as simple as pushing the normal social boundaries in your society without crossing any lines. Keeping eye contact for a few seconds longer than what is normal, smiling to a stranger or briefly touching someone during a conversation can give them the subconscious messages they need to know you are attracted to them.

Sometimes being intimate through words can help as well. If you share a little bit more about yourself than you normally would when you're with someone you've just met, you may create a bond that makes flirting and showing interest easier.


Most people love compliments and giving one is always rewarding. If you make someone feel good about themselves the chances are they will feel good about you too. Sincere and somewhat original compliments will have the highest chance of success.

Noticing someone's beautiful eyes is an old classic for many reasons. Eyes are an important part of how we look. Eyes can express a vast variety of emotions and commenting on them suggests that you have spent time noticing little details.

You can also compliment on a change in their appearance and in that way tell them you pay attention to them. Better yet, get even more intimate and mention a personality trait you like. “You are always so kind” or “I love your sense of humour” will do the trick.

Body Language

You may not know it, but your body tells more than you might want it to. When we are attracted to someone we display several subtle signs with our body to let the other person know where we stand.

If we see someone we like, our faces tend to “open” and make us appear more approachable. Our nostrils flare slightly, we lift our eyebrows and our lips part. We often start preening ourselves without being aware of it. Things like straightening our tie or adjusting our pants come naturally as we wish to look our best. Another sure give away is mirroring. You have a sip of your drink, they have a sip of their drink. They run a hand through their hair, you do the same.

However, there is no reason why we can't help nature along a bit and use some conscious body language as well. Leaning in during a conversation tells them you are interested in what they have to say and maybe them as well. Avoid crossing your arms over your chest or even crossing your legs. Both of these gestures can indicate that you're defensive, anxious or bored.

Keep your focus on the target of your attraction instead of yourself, and your interest will shine through.

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